Brandon's blog

If you can’t already tell, I’m a filmmaker. While my projects to date have been relatively small, I believe we have acheived some quality within the means available to us. Like so, so many filmmakers, I dream of the day when I can leave my day job behind and focus on current, new and upcoming film projects as a stable part of my life for income — implying of course that I have the skills needed to produce that one franchise that elevates me above simply a media enthusiast and nine-to-fiver, even once fully in the industry.

I sit here with two scripts on paper and three other ‘high concept’ concepts rattling around my cavernous cranium in an attempt to sort out some semblance of a well-structured story — was that a bat … ? Any-who, I spend a decent amount of time with floating around the fantastic forums over at WordPlay, and have recently come across a post that I feel inadvertently addressed my current issue. I’m working with loaded gun to my head.

Figuratively, of course. I have a wonderful job which I will likely continue to the best of my abilities as long as they allow me to do so — but it’s still a job, not my passion. To paraphrase what I said above, I dream of being free to live my life on my terms, creating with only the limitations of my mind and the imaginations of those working with me on spectacular projects. But I feel this then to be a burden more than an inspiration. Why? Because it’s do-or-die.

To date, the projects we have done have often been rather spur-of-the-moment on the whole. The opportunity presents itself, and we bleed to complete the task and often produce results we’re proud of. What this often means is that when the project comes about, we are relaxed enough to take it on — even if it gets hectic during production. Such times, being able to create a film with a group of other people, are when I’m most alive, more emotionally active and involved than I tend to be otherwise. But striving for it as a hungered desire, not willing to be happy with where I’m at and lusting over the other side of the rainbow has impeded me.

With writing, developing concepts on paper that have no guarantee of ever being made, by myself or anyone else, it can be difficult to find the motivation to continue. It becomes a matter of whether I’m good enough to complete it. Do I write well enough, keep it entertaining and true to the characters?

It is fun to create, envision and develop a story. But how do I know I’m doing well? Are submitting to screenwriting contests a fair judge? When do I know I’m ready to do so? Or should I just shell out shit and hope to get enough feedback that I can apply it to improving the next one?

I have one-hundred twenty-two incomplete pages of what is likely a one-hundred thirty page script. I have yet to write the ending, even though I’m right there. But this script feels … immature. Like a teenager where the knowledge and content is some wonderful stuff, but it lacks the wisdom that comes from being bludgeoned by ‘life’ a few times. As an example, think of a SciFi channel original movie. There’s a noticable gap in maturity between what makes it onto SciFi and what brought about the Lord of the Rings films.

But where to start beating the pages? I have written a few things since producing those pages, and feel based on feedback and personal appreciation that my writing has already improved. Part of me wants to scrap the current pages and start over from the beginning with a whole new attack on the story. Find something new we can build on where the story takes on a life of it’s own, rather than the contrivances I have mechanically put in place for it’s current draft. But there is so much I’m attached to already…

I can make this work. I know I can. There is so much there I can use, but the locations need to be better defined. The characters have already grown, but more is needed to pull the story along.

What I really need to do, is drop the gun, and just produce. Fact is, it’s not all about the success. It’s not about time, both already wasted and what has yet to be spent. It’s about just doing it. Relax. Produce. One step at a time. I’ve got the rest of my life. I’ve been stuck in a cycle of thought and created my habit and condition of treading in place, allowing my frustration of lost time to create more lost time.

Again, it’s not about time. It’s about producing the best I possibly can, as often as I can, simply because I can. That’s what’s produced the work we’ve done to date. That’s what opens doors and allows good things to happen. Just do it the best I can, at all times and don’t worry about the time it takes until I’m actually on deadline with a live project. That’s when it has all worked. Just put the gun down.